wishes and wants

I'm pretty sure I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I don't really want to "be" anything. I just want to be. I don't care for a job or money or anything. It's kind of the way I've always been. I want to live outside - live off a garden, and make fires or something...

I wish I could learn things, and know beforehand whether the things I am about to learn are things that I would actually want to know. I like to learn, but it seems there have been so many "learning environments" that I haven't particularly enjoyed. Then again, I wish I even knew what I actually wanted. For example, I "wanted" to learn German and come to Germany again to stay for a year or so. Then I thought about it some more and decided the change in daylight would totally make me sad. I wish I wouldn't be such a chicken and I would just set my mind on something and do it.

My thoughts are completely jumbled because of how busy we are. I kind of like it. On the other hand, I wish I could have access to the blog or video journal at all times so I could record everything. There is certainly a lot going on in my head, but no physical evidence of any of it. I think my thoughts are going to be more incoherent than ever by the time I leave Europe. I love things that are intangible.