Too many emotions to fathom...

So, we went to Dachau today. Yeah....I'm pretty sure that everyone was really effected by it. I am not one to ever cry, well...unless something happens to my dog. But as I walked into that camp...immediatly my smile vanished. I was completly overcome with a stolid, emotionless...stare. We walked into the victims cells and as I listened to Mark speak of a picture that was behind him...it settled in. The picture was of a man who was a survivor of the camp, and Mark himself had interviewed him, and spoke of the interview to our group. The visualizations flew threw my head like debris in a stage 5 tornado. Too many to explain throu this Fujitsu computer....to many to explain to my parents, to my best friend......to many to explain to myself. I listened to the story about the man who was interegated and told that his 5 daughters, one by one, were going to be raped if he did not tell the Guestopo the information they needed. Again......the visualization of my last "stress attack" hatched in my imagination...I was behind in some reading, and had a test in the next couple of days...the part of the story that I leave out, when I would sit down and think about how hard my life was, included how healthy I was, how warm (and even hot) my house was, how many people love me, and that I knew exactly where each of those people were. These things that I didn't include in my "stressful life analysis" were things that these people in Dachau really didn't have anymore. Completely and utterly stripped of anything that would be evident of a God of anykind. I saw so many things that made me realize that there is indeed a God, and that everything, as morbid as they may be, happen for a reason. Maybe this was to proove to those without any faith...that there is indeed a devil. The faith that some of these people held in their hearts was so touching to me that I burst into tears inside and out. I tried to hold them in as much as I could, but I'm pretty sure that I can hold tears about as good as I can hold a pufferfish in full puff. I could not even sit down when we entered the sleeping quarters, and I don't really know why. I guess I almost felt guilty sitting because I knew that these people didn't have that free will.  Like I said....too many emotions to sort them all out. What got me the most was the fact that before I left for Germany my grandmother and I were talking about our geneology and she (amazingly) could tell me the names of my realatives and the countries from which they all came.  I began to wonder on this trip (since  I do have German in me) if we had any of the N's in my tree. I also have Polish and was recently told that the cabinet in Grandmother's room in San Antonio, was made by my great great grandfather and brought from Poland. So, back to Dachau, we were in the cells hallway and Mark took us to a cell that had Esser's picture and the story. I started to listen and to read the exhibit's information. I read that he was a "cabinet maker" and the tears came down like I had seriously just stuck a whole onion in my eye!!! I was so hit by Dachau that I hope I can explain it to my friends. I wish that I could just put my brain in this blog with the 'enter at your own risk' sign. That would save me alot of frustration...and do a way better job at illustrating the reality of the camp, and the magnitude of the faith that is in this world.

Everything happens for a reason...even if we don't know what the reasons may be. Always have faith. They did.