Overcoming Anxieties

Only four days left, and I cannot believe it. I have spent one month abroad, yet it has passed in the blink of an eye. This week was certainly no exception. From the Beethoven House to Castle Rheinfelds and from the Cologne Zoo to the Uniclinics, the past five days have been some of my favorites. They have made me realize just how much I have grown throughout this experience as well.

My absolute favorite part of the week was observing surgeries at the Uniclinics. I went into the morning very nervous for what was to come. I had only been in an operating room once before, and it was during my time in Kenya. I didn't have the best experience, and it left a very negative association with surgery for me. While I was willing to give it another shot, I was certainly not excited for Wednesday. However, as I put on scrubs and walked into the first prep room, my nerves and anxiety quickly melted away. The anesthesiologist walked me through the orthopedic surgery that was about to occur. She made me feel included and important. I think she could feel my nerves a bit because she continued to explain the procedure while the patient was undergoing the operation. I was comfortable in the operating room and extremely thankful for her thoughtfulness. While I expected to be uneasy and ready to leave, that was not the case. The surgery included the immobilization of a patient's ankle after many unsuccessful attempts at repair. She had a rod drilled through the tibia and stabilized with a handful of screws. I was glad to be comfortable watching the procedure, but I was certainly not hanging on the doctor's every move either. However, this feeling soon came when I entered the operating room with a male patient requiring an aortic valve replacement. I was able to stand directly behind the patient's head and look over the operating field from the very beginning of the procedure. I watched the doctor create an incision and divide the sternum. I watched him cut through the pericardium and then prepare the heart for bypass. I watched the blood flow through tubes into a machine rather than through the heart while the surgery took place. Throughout the entire procedure, I never wanted to look away. I was amazed with every aspect of it. I wanted to ask a million questions and see every detail. I was so disappointed when I had to leave for the afternoon. Never did I expect to not only tolerate, but be absolutely intrigued by any form of surgery. Before this week, I was very confident that surgery and trauma were the two fields I definitely did not want to pursue. However, the Uniclinics made me seriously question my direction for the future. While I don't really care for orthopedics, cardiac surgery made me very excited for what lies ahead. 

I know I've stated this before, but I cannot help but develop a greater and greater passion for medicine as the days pass. After this week, I cannot imagine myself pursing any other career. I am more than thankful for the opportunity to discover my excitement for surgery and medicine as a whole. As we leave for Berlin in the morning, I am greatly looking forward to what these last few days hold.