At the end of the road (Plus a note to future bloggers)

As I write this post I'm back in College Station, sitting at the Evans Library and trying to put my thoughts on this entire experience into words.

I honestly didn't know what to expect when I signed up for this program, or even when I stepped onto the plane heading for Frankfurt. Despite the program meetings and the mentions of The Hero's Journey, and the testimonials that the experience really would affect us as people, I'm not sure if I really got it. If you'd asked me what I expected, I would have probably said that it seemed like it would just be a cool, fun time, like a long vacation with some bonus classes and learning. It sounded right up my alley, but I wasn't expecting to walk away feeling any different.

I'm happy to say that I was incorrect.

On our very last day in Berlin, as Dr. Wasser was giving us a pep talk before heading back into the real world, he told about how all of this is preparing us for great things, that the things we learn and do now will build the foundation for who we are years from now, and to remember, "when the student is ready, the teacher will appear." Almost everyone in the restaurant was tipsy, and I think the speech got the whole room collectively a bit teary-eyed, but I think it was really accurate summary of what I feel like I took away from this program.

I've always sort of believed there are turning points in people's lives. Not necessarily big ones, and not necessarily good or bad, but still days, weeks, or even years that profoundly affect the rest of our lives. Maybe it's the right timing, or the right people, or just being twenty years old without a fully developed brain and different neuroplasticity or whatever, or some combination of all of that, but I believe the six weeks I spent on this program were exactly what I needed, exactly when I needed it in my life. I couldn't have told you beforehand, or maybe even during, but I think that's the way these things work. I was ready, and the teacher appeared.

To be fair, it's only been a month and a half after getting back, so I won't be able to tell how much of this will stay with me over the course of my life. I guess I won't really know until I'm thirty or forty or fifty and looking back on this time of my life. However, I have a feeling that it will. I think just  knowing that I've stepped out of my comfort zone and left the relative safety of routine behind before, and that it was great, helps make it easier to do so again when I need to. I think that's something that I have to remember.

When I lost my mom at the end of 2018, it felt like I'd been thrown into a new future without any agency or preparation. Now, approaching a year later, I think I can say that I still feel like I'm charting a future I don''t entirely know, but I'm doing it on my terms, and I'm confident I have the skills to make it a good one.

Now the rest of this post, I wanted to address to anyone else on any future program who, like me, went and looked at all the old student's blog posts before writing their first one themselves.

Hey there! You might not know it yet, and you might not believe me, but you're in for more than just classes and travel. I'm still not sure I have the words entirely to explain it, but Dr.Wasser's Hero's Journey lecture will probably put it better than I can. He's really not exaggerating (at least that much.) My advice to anyone about to head out as a part of this program is, whenever you encounter something new, open your heart to it. Make friends with all of your classmates. Eat lots of gelato, because I already miss the frequency of gelato shops in Germany, and its the best euro twenty you'll ever spend. Make yourself wake up in the morning to do beach exercise, and don't be afraid to run into the North Sea, it's warmer than you think! Try a banana weisen, I know it sounds weird but just trust me. Take lots of pictures, but don't worry too much about getting the perfect angle. Sit at a cafe. Find a good sunset to watch. Have fun looking at all the beautiful dogs everywhere in Germany and pet some wandering cats, if that's your thing. Bring a good raincoat to Nordeney (I'm serious about this one!!) and make sure to try the mud treatment, it's worth the minor self-consciousness. Go to a carnival, and ride every ride you can.

Lastly, find something new to fall in love with everyday. This one will be easy.

I'm so thankful I got to be a part of this trip, and I think I'll always remember it fondly.

Signing off for the last time,
Melissa