Next Steps & Moving Forward

I guess this final post has been very hard for me to write. I know it's due. I know I need to write something down, but the words and emotions I feel right now are difficult to express and ,at this point, still jumbled in my head.

But, I love Germany. I love the culture, the people, and the little stands on the side of the streets that served the best ice cream for under a dollar. I miss watching the Rhine flow by and playing with my host family's German Shepard whenever I came home from school. I miss living there so much, but I'm conflicted at this point.

And I think my conflicts stem from what I want to do after undergraduate and my prospects of being a graduate student. I want to attend graduate school in Germany, but I also don't want to potentially destroy my academic/research career for going. Because in graduate school it's all about who you work under and what connections you can make with the scientific community, and I feel like I must make a final decision whether I want to stay in Germany or stay in the United States and establish my career at whichever I decide to choose.

And to be honest, I'm more on the side of staying in Germany. Like yes, there wouldn't be a language barrier in the United States, but most of the research I would like to do is actually in the Netherlands or in different parts of Germany. So, I feel like I'm at a large crossroad in my life, and I'm not so sure what to do. I'm still going to apply to American graduate schools, NSF scholarship, and any fellowship that I could possibly get, but if by the magical possibility I can get accepted to a school in Germany and have the funds to go, I would probably take the offer in an instant.

Where has the time gone?

Upon returning to the US, I managed to eat every food I missed during the 6 weeks abroad within 2 days.  This included Mexican food, Babe's chicken house,  and Texas (not German) BBQ. I ate more within my first two days back than I ever did while in Europe, and I quickly realized this is why American's are known for being slightly larger and unhealthy. My first two days in Europe I face timed my mom and told her I was going to starve because my host home's portion sizes were tiny.  This may have been a slight exaggeration but it proves the point that our portion sizes are not the same as theirs.  But, while eating out I did manage to find some foods that I loved. My absolute favorite was Goulash. I am pretty sure I ate it 4 times while abroad. I guess that's one thing I learned, goulash is the greatest thing ever and I need to find a restaurant that has it, or maybe try and be a chef and make it myself.  Option one is probably the safer option. Okay, thats enough talking about food... I could spend an entire blog post comparing the foods, discussing my favorites and least favorites, and discussing which country had the best food I visited, but that isn't the point of this blogpost.

I knew going into the program I wanted to be immersed in the culture, but I did not really know what this meant.  While there I sometime felt like I wasn't that immersed, and instead was the obvious american tourist. But, now I realize I got a completely unique experience that I would not have gotten any other way.  While in Germany, I had to find my way to the AIB on the first day of class, which was a challenge to begin with, but by the end of the trip I felt like a pro at using public transportation, not only in Bonn, but anywhere.  My roommate CheyAnne may laugh at this because my sense of direction walking was completely terrible, but this is the case in the States too, there is no changing that.  In addition to the lifestyle of using public transportation, I feel like my knowledge of the world outside the US changed.  I always liked to think of myself as a culturally sensitive person, and tried to learn about and understand other people groups, but I realized there were a lot of things I neglected to consider.  My biggest realization is how self centered the United States is, and I fall completely guilty of this too.  So much of our society is based on what we accomplish or earn, and how lavish our lifestyle is, and we don't consider keeping up with news in the US, much less world news and events.  This realization came throughout the trip whenever people would find out we were Americans, which wasn't that hard, and asked us who we were voting for in the next presidential election.  Yes, this election seems to be the laughing stock of the world, but they followed it more than I did.  I don't want to be that person who stays focused on themselves and their country, but I also realized I didn't even focus on my own country enough, I was too focused on myself and college.  Studying abroad made me look at the bigger picture of the world.  While in Germany, a lot of things about the German lifestyle and attitude inspired me.  First, I love that eating out is not a thing.  Families cook and eat at the table every night, or almost every night. Some people do this in the US, but my family was not like this. Second, I noticed how caring of other people they are while walking past the refuge housing on the way to the AIB every day.  Regardless of politics, the German people actively did something to help these people who had nothing.  German's, and European's in general, also seem to take life slower than we do, and really live in the moment.  This is something I could especially learn from, as I am constantly worrying and thinking about the future.

This may sound weird, but I feel like a grew up a lot while abroad. Yes it was only 5 weeks, and yes I did not change in age, but hear me out.  While abroad you are kinda thrown into it all.  I knew nobody going in and am a more reserved/shy person.  Yet, I had a blast abroad and met so many amazing and different people.  Second I grew up as a result of all the planning, or sometimes lack there of, that went on in those six weeks.  I traveled with just CheyAnne on the free weekends, succeeded.  Sure, sometime we didn't make a train reservation early enough and had to take 3 different trains in the middle of the night to get somewhere, but we got there and that's all that matters.  Yes, in college we live on our own, but being in a foreign country is totally different.  Then there is money, you come in with X amount to spend on the trip, eat out at Italian restaurants your first week there, and then realize this isn't going to work.  So, you find your way around the grocery store and buy lots of gummy bears.  Okay, maybe I didn't grow up that much.  But I learned to be independent and put my self out there while abroad.

The excursions we went on, and lectures we got to listen to in those places about the people who actually lived or frequented there, were by far the highlight of the excursions.  Like Dr. Wasser said, it's incredible to get to lecture about Freud in Freud's house.  I don't think I fully realized the magnitude of these events until I returned to the state's.  One lecture topic I really enjoyed was the bioethics/euthanasia lecture.  These topics are so fascinating and it can be hard to grasp what all happened.  But, I remember hearing something along the lines of this: the worst thing we can do is dehumanize the people who did those horrible things (for example the Nazis), because then we think it is impossible for us or any other person today to actually repeat the events.  These events show us the flaws in humanity and it is vital to understand what these people thought and why they did it.  We cannot solely classify them as crazy and let that be the end of it.  I love this perspective and is one of the main things that I took away from the study abroad trip.

To summarize this lengthy post, here are some key points.  Did I eat lots of food? yes. Did it open my eyes to the rest of the world? yes. Did I learn my way around Europe? By moving vehicles yes, by my own feet no. Lastly, did I leave a changed person? absolutely.

Since I have returned, life has picked back up again.  School has started, I started working for the first time, and the stresses of college came back full force.  Right now, I am just trying to focus on my grades, getting my resume together, and figuring out when I am going to take by DAT.  But I need to remember what I learned in Germany, which is to not focus too much on the future, and to keep up with what is happening in my country and the world.  My college bubble won't be here forever.

The final post :(
Megs

I will return to Germany one day, no matter how long it takes. Okay, now that is all.

snap back to reality....

oh! there goes gravity...

but honestly.

As I type this I am eating my LAST alpenmilch chocolate bar and I'm trying to channel my inner Germany Maddi to be able to make this blog post as good as possible. I have waited quite some time to write this because I feel as if there is so much I can relate everything I learned abroad to every aspect of my life. I want to fully be able to explain how much this summer abroad as taught me and changed the way I see so many things.

Learning how to be in close quarters with only 9 other girls for 5 weeks taught me so much about those girls as individuals, but also about myself. How I am the same and different in so many ways. How I can better empathize with them, help them, comfort them; but also how I needed them to do the same for me. This also allows me to be a better leader within my womens organization. I feel as if we have almost every possible personality on our trip - even with only 10 girls. I see a similar personality trait from one of the girls to almost ever person I meet. I believe this really gives me a unique perspective and helps me to better connect to those around me.
Learning how to be away from my loved ones for an extended period of time really put how much I love them into perspective. But also made being apart from my family while I'm here at school feel like nothing. I feel like I am always surrounded my friends and family. I dont think I ever go a day without seeing a best friend or a family member. While I was aboad I definiely made some best friends but it took some time and I felt alone for the first few weeks - even when surrounded by everyone. This was a whole new situation for me, and it really helped me figure out how to survive on my own two feet.
Learning how to focus on myself when needed was also so very important. I'm someone who will refuse to take time for myself even when I know I probably should. Bring abroad was hectic, packed with activity, and really wore me down physically and mentally. I learned how to go home and recharge, not worried about school or tests, and wake up the next day ready to go. Here in college station, unfortunately its not like that. I can't just drop everything to take a nap, or neglect my work for an entire evening. But I have learned various ways of dealing with my stress that my schedule allows.
Learning that the world is so much bigger than my tiny little bubble was so important. I absolutely love Texas. I love Chilifest, FTA football, saying "yall", getting excited over 60 degree weather, and so many other things I associate with my beloved state. But I learned that while yeah, Texas is awesome, some places just do it better. Better healthcare, better infrastructure, better government, better jobs, better housing market, better transportation, better vacations, better insurance, and the list could go on and on. I learned to see America and Texas from an outside perspective. I met many many young people from European countries as well as Canada who were not afraid to let me know how they felt about America. Especially American politics at the moment (lol). It was hard to even reply to these people because I am as dumbfounded as they are at the current situation - but it was honestly so fun to hear someone roast our candidates in a German accent. But what being away from home also taught me was how much I identify with where I am from. I am from "Texas" and specifically "Houston". I was honestly awesome to say I'm from Houston and having people from Europe know what that is. I am Texas and Texas is me. No matter how much I travel or learn other things itll be hard to not identify myself as a Texan forever.

On a less lighter note: I definitely saw a nasty side of humanity while I was abroad. Mall shootings, train attacks, train crashes, car crashes, police shootings, shootings of black men and women, racism, narcissism, ethnocentrism, and again, the list could go on and on.
Each day I would wake up to another tragedy happening just a few hundred miles away. This wasnt something I could ignore anymore. This wasn't something that was happening across a large ocean that didnt affect me. These were real atrocities that were happening in places I have been, and even affecting the great state of Texas.

All in all this trip has wonderfully changed my life. I see so many things in a new light and I talk about my trip at least once a day (to the annoyance of my friends and family)

Let's Go...Anywhere!

I found myself scrolling through everyone's pictures from our European adventures last week and thought, "wow, I can't believe I went to Europe this summer."  It seems so surreal and like it happened so long ago.  How lucky am I to have spent 6 weeks traversing Europe?!

I have done a lot of traveling in my life, but nothing compares to the independence I was allowed to envelop while on the other side of the world.  The friendships I made are also a huge component of the trip I will treasure for a lifetime.  These girls didn't just become my friends; we relied on each other for guidance and made sure we were all safe just like a family would.  I'm sad to say that as much as we've tried, we have yet to successfully make plans to reunite.  The friends I made studying abroad are some of the best friends I've ever had, and I sure do miss them!

A lot has happened since we returned from Germany.  As you may know, I had sort of an eye-opening moment at the Otto Bock Institute as we watched a video of a man learning to use his new extremities.  The thought of one day being the kind of therapist that teaches amputees and/or paraplegics how to use their new technology hit me, and it has been my mission since then.  Just days after getting home I began my PT school application and searched for shadowing/volunteering opportunities to make my resume more competitive.  The semester has been a whirlwind!  Balancing volunteering, school, and my presidential position in Aggie Sweethearts keeps me busy, but I am happy to say I have completed 4 out of 5 of my applications!  I can hardly wait to see where I will begin a new adventure next fall.  I don't think this journey would be nearly as exciting if it weren't for my realization in Berlin.

Although applying to PT school and Aggie football have been exciting, I can't help but wish I was traveling instead of being cooped up in College Station.  I am yearning to get out of this town and just spend a few days away from my computer and all the responsibilities that come with school.  I need an escape, even if that means just camping out at Lake Bryan or taking a day trip to Austin.  Our European adventures have left me hungry for more variety in life.  I am so thankful for the time we had together in Germany, for Hilde (my host mom), and the experience of a lifetime!  Most people will never gain half of the worldliness we were blessed to attain over the summer, and I am so grateful to have learned so much at such a premier time in my life.

A Thirst for Travel

As I'm sitting here looking at this blog, I can't help but wish I was back in Germany writing it. I miss everything about my time abroad. I constantly catch myself looking back at the pictures from my trip and wishing I was back in Bonn with every one. I miss the atmosphere, the streets, the trains, the sights, and surprisingly I actually miss learning as much as I did. Mostly I miss seeing our group every day. Before I left, I never thought I would become as close to these girls as I did, but it happened. Sure we all live in College Station, but we have different classes and organization and work and it is very hard to make time to get together. We had so many adventures in Europe and all I want to do is go back and make more.

Since I have been back, a lot of things have happened and a lot of realizations have occurred. For starters, as soon as I got back I had to rush back into "normal" life. I had to be at work the following week, then classes started back, and the stress and heavy load that comes with trying to juggle college life. Amidst all of this madness I had to retake my PCAT(which didn't go as I had hoped) and apply to pharmacy school. I was almost finished with applications when I retook the PCAT...this is where trouble began. I began to contemplate life at this point. I thought of myself as a failure and wasn't sure what was going to happen in the future. I wasn't sure if I should even apply because I knew that no one would want to consider me with a score like I had just received(I took it in January and my score was better but still not what I wanted). I decided to take time and collect my thoughts about my future and exactly what I wanted. One thing that constantly stuck out in my head and kept me grounded was Germany. I had spent five weeks in Europe learning, traveling, seeing, and experiencing life in a way I never thought possible. I remembered all the places we had been and things Dr. Wasser had said. I realized in this moment that plans don't always work out exactly as we want them too, but I'd never get anywhere or accomplish anything if I didn't try. After all, sometimes we just have to leap into the unknown and hope for the best.

Returning to "normal" has not been so easy. I long for adventure and to see a new culture or explore a new city...and this is not so easy when I'm in classes full time and have a job. People aren't the same. America is a harsh place as I've come to learn and we are not very accepting of those who are different. I understand there are some bad people in the world, but that does not mean an entire race or culture or religion is bad. Every group has a few bad seeds, and there is nothing that we can do to change this. However, we can educate ourselves on those groups, try to learn about their culture and then once we understand, maybe we would be more accepting. However, it seems easier to blame an entire group rather than take the time to educate oneself so they take the easy way out. However, in the end this could do more damage than good. I'm not really sure what is going to happen in the future, but I do know American and the world will continue to decrease as long as we keep the hatred and don't take the time to educate and explore. My life will forever be changed from this trip. I was able to see new things and I know have a greater understand and appreciation for the world as a whole. I believe and I now know there is good. I believe a lot of the problem is a language barrier. The fact that we can't understand everyone and the fact that they dress a little different then we do, makes it easy to blame them and assume they are bad. However, there was not one time when I was abroad that I felt threatened or scared for my life. I often feel more afraid in American then I ever did in my 6 weeks in Europe.

There is a lot more I hope to explore and learn, but for now, I will take my 6 weeks in Europe and hold on to them very tightly. I will continue to compare that world to this one we call America, and I will forever question why we can't be more accepting and understanding the way they were with us while we were traveling. I hope to go back some day and I hope that by the time I do, the world will be a little brighter place and there won't be so much fear and aggression. For anyone who reads this blog and is questioning whether or not it is a good idea to travel abroad, don't think, just do it. Take that leap into the unknown and don't look back. I promise, you won't regret it.

Forever wishing I could time travel and return!
I'll see you someday again Europe!

Lets go back.

Wow.  I can't believe that I've only been back in America for 3 months.  I feel like it has been a whole year.  It is probably due to everything picking back up again and going back to the fast pace of school, work, and other organizations.

Coming back to America, I didn't really feel much of a culture shock.  I was just glad to be back.  I may or may not have cried a little upon seeing my family when I got off the plane, but I blame the tears on the 20 hours of traveling and exhaustion.  The thing I enjoyed most about being home (besides the AC) was just the fact that I was home.  It was nice to be back in Texas and to enjoy some good ole Tex Mex.

Though the program was fast pace and we were always traveling, I didn't feel like I was constantly busy.  I was able to enjoy the moments I had and I honestly, can't wait to go back again someday.  Life on the Study Abroad Program was easy so to speak.  It was almost as if you got to leave all your commitments, duties, and stressors behind you as you left America.  It was an experience that I am forever grateful for.  The program allowed me to see the world in a whole different life.  Life is a little slower in Europe.  People don't stress as much.  They aren't as worried about being late because if they miss a train, there is always another one right behind it in 5 minutes.  They view life differently and in return, I know view it differently too.

Before the program, I was always stressed.  Whether it was about tests, assignments, graduate school applications, or just life in general, I could always find something to stress about.  However, after the program, I'm more at ease.  I know that everything is going to be okay and if it isn't, I can always just jump on a plane and head back to the countries that taught me to slow down a little.

My advice to anyone thinking about studying abroad is DO IT.  Trust me, you will not regret it.  The experience is truly once in a lifetime.  Everyone says it and I'm sure it is easy to think we are all crazy but we really do mean it.  The experiences you form in the countries along with the memories you form with your other students are simply amazing and something you'll carry with you for the rest of your life.

Don't hesitate, make the decision, and have the best summer of your life.